Moonlight Dwelling

Dear Diary

Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile and it will be believable. My smile will say I'm fine, thank you. Yes I feel much better. I will no longer be the sad little girl who lost her parents. I will start fresh. Be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through.

Dear Diary

I made it through the day. I must have said, I'm fine, thanks at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks, How are you?" they really don't want an answer.

Later

It was nice of Stefan to return my diary and he didn't even read it. I'm sure anyone else would have. At least this time I wasn't coming out of the men's room. Yeah that's a great way to meet someone. And that bird was just creepy. That was the second time a bird showed up since one just jumped in front of Bonnie's car which was very odd. It was very Hitchcock. I ended up babbling like an idiot but I guess that's better than coming out of the wrong bathroom.

Dear Diary

I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile, nod my way through it; pretend like it would be all okay. Without the pain. Someone without the past. Someone alive. But it's not that easy the bad things stay with you. All you can do is be ready for the good. So when it comes you invite it in because you need it. I need it.

 Dear Diary

This morning is different. There is change. I can sense it feel it. For once I don't regret the day before it begins. I welcome the day because now I know I will see him again. For the first time in a long time I feel good. So I'm going with it since I want the good days to come back.

I was starting to wonder if that would ever happen. Sure I'd say I was fine but never meant it. But today is different. I'm more hopeful. Of course it has to do with Stefan. I'm so glad that I met him. He just gets it better than others do. The dark cloud seems to be lifting.

 Dear Diary

I decided to take a risk. Instead of going home where I'd end up writing in my diary I went to see Stefan. I need to start living my life again. And I feel like he gets me in ways that others don't. It is so easy to talk to him. So reality setting in might not be such a bad thing if my reality includes him.

We kissed and it was amazing. For the first time in a long time I actually felt good. Dare I say I think I just might feel hopefully and that things are finally getting back to normal. I can't just sit at home while life is passing me by. I have to get out there.

 Dear Diary

I decided to go to cheerleading practice. This would be one were that I'm just not into anymore. I used to love it but not anymore. I couldn't even focus on it. Even Damon mentioned that I looked miserable. I was more interested in watching Stefan play football. Looking at my cheerleading uniform laying on the bed made me realize that it just wasn't me anymore so I decided to quit.

That throw was amazing. So he's now on the football team. And he is really smart. He outsmarted Tanner. How strange that soon after that Tanner got attacked by an animal. It is so frightening that people are getting attacked. It could have been anyone. It could have been me or Jer.

Since Bonnie wasn't too thrilled about Stefan I had her over to dinner which was slow at first but eventually things got better. Now I'm wondering about him because I would swear he cut his hand on that piece of glass but there was nothing there. I guess I was seeing things and Bonnie likes him now. I should be looking for something that isn't there.

Dear Diary

Things can change so fast. It went from being a good day to a bad one in the blink of an eye. Stefan gave me this beautiful necklace and then Tanner got killed. There was another animal attack. There have been so many of them lately. It just doesn't make sense.

That isn't the only thing that doesn't make sense. I'm sure I was just seeing things. I could have sworn Stefan's hand was cut but it wasn't. There was blood but not cut. I'm sure it was nothing. I was worried because Jer was getting into another fight and I saw that bottle smashing into Stefan's hand.

That was weird when Damon came up to me and started telling me that I wanted to kiss him. I know a little bit about Katherine being with both guys. I'm not her so if he expects me to fall for his charms he has another thing coming. Was I supposed to swoon over him? Caroline's my friend so I didn't like him talking about her like that. If he doesn't like her he should break it off with her.

That was odd how he mentioned dreaming about him. It was almost like he could read my mind. Of course that's impossible but it was weird. I did have a dream. it was a good dream. At least it was good at first. I was with Stefan in my bedroom but when his shirt came off he turned into Damon. It was strange. I'm just glad I was able to get back to sleep after that.

Dear Diary

I tried. I want so much to make things right. But every instinct in my body is telling me to be careful. What you don't know can hurt you.

Dear Diary

I am not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That's the world we live in. There's no magic, no mysticism, no immortality. There's nothing that defies rational thought.

People are supposed to be who they say and not like or hide their true selves. It's not possible. I'm not a believer. I can't be. But how can I deny what's right in front of me? Someone who never grows old, never gets hurt. Someone who changes in ways that can't be explained. Girls bitten, Bodies drained of blood.

Dear Diary

Stefan told me about being a vampire. It is just crazy. I'm writing a sentence with vampires in it. He has been around since the 1800s along with Damon. They are the same Salvatores that signed the register at the first Founder's Dance. He took me to where his family home was. So at one point the two were really close until Katherine came along. It was surreal and interesting all at the same time. Here I am standing in front of this guy that's been around for 145 years. No wonder he knows about history since he's been around for so much of it.

I know it sounds crazy. I half wonder if I'm crazy but I don't think Stefan would ever hurt me. I can't be with him. I can't deal with this. I can keep his secret but I can't continue to see him. It is just too much for me. Why couldn't he be a normal guy? Things were going so well but I guess it is best that I find out now rather than find out later when he's biting me. Damon turned Vicki into a vampire. Stefan says he'll try to help her. Poor Jer really cares about her. This isn't going to end well.

Dear Diary

I wish I could forget everything too but I can't. I hate that Vicki had to be killed but Stefan didn't have a choice. She was going to kill me. That sounds crazy. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Damon offered to make Jeremy forget. It is good that he doesn't remember. It was pretty horrible.

Stefan and Damon are vampires. I can't believe I'm writing the word vampires. There's no way I can be with Stefan not now. I do know that he won't hurt me. I know that sounds crazy but I believe him when he says he wants to protect me. So Jeremy won't have to carry this burden. He's been through enough.

Dear Diary

I really wish I could talk to someone about this but there isn't anyone. I can't tell Bonnie even though I want to. I can't drag someone else into this. I did feel bad though when Bonnie shared her secret with me because I so badly wanted to tell her my secret. I guess it isn't really my secret.

It turns out that Bonnie's a witch. She showed me. It was pretty cool. She made the feathers in my pillow float around the room. She was afraid of how I'd react but I was glad that she told me. She trusted me with such a secret knowing that there was a risk that I'd freak out. I just wish I could do the same thing.

I was thinking about staying in. It turns out that Towel Girl is a old friend of Stefan's. She's a vampire too. I have to admit that I was jealous when I saw her walking around in a towel when I went over there. Today is his birthday. So I think I'll go over to the Grill. It'll be good to get out for a bit.

 Dear Diary

Jer's like a whole new person. I wondered about what Damon did to Jer but he said that he just took away the pain. Actually he seems to be doing pretty good. He's not drinking or doing drugs which is great. He doesn't have to know about what happened to Vicki although I hate keeping him and Matt in the dark. They'll never know that she won't ever come back.

I got to see Stefan relaxed for a change and smiling as he played pool with Lexie. I just can't believe there was never anything between the two. It was so horrible how Damon set her up like that. As crazy as it sounds I liked her and could see her potentially being a friend. She seemed to understand how hard it is for me dealing with Stefan. I wonder about the love of her life since she said was.

I'm worried about Stefan. I keep trying to get in touch with him. I don't want him to go after Damon. I think Damon would kill him and I don't want that to happen. Hopefully I talked some sense into him. I get why Stefan wants to kill him but I can't help but wonder about Damon. There are times when he seems almost sweet while other times he's just evil.

Dear Diary

I told Bonnie about everything. She deserved to know after what happened. I have to wonder if Damon put the idea of having a seance into Caroline's head. If I didn't have this necklace I could be his little puppet which is pretty scary. I'm just glad that Stefan saved her. That was so scary when Damon just lunged and drank from her. It was pretty awful.

It was a big shock finding out about Stefan. That's a total understatement because of course it was a shock. I didn't believe in vampires before. The thought of thinking about vampires in real life was just insane. Yet I find myself in love with one. I wasn't sure that I could make it work but I think I can. I can't imagine my life without Stefan. The problem is that he doesn't seem to feel the same way.

 Dear Diary

I can't believe it. My head is just spinning from what I found out. Sure there was the accident. I was just so upset after finding that picture of Katherine. And that guy just came out of nowhere. Damon took me to Atlanta where he introduced me to Bree who happened to be a witch. I liked her and it was kind of fun being there. I got a little drunk and played some pool. It was a way to avoid thinking about Stefan and Katherine looking exactly like me.

Lexie's boyfriend took me and was about to kill Damon but I talked him out of it. I'm sure I could have become friends with Lexie who I really liked. It was so horrible that Damon staked her. It turns out that he'd been turned. It does make me wonder about having a future with Stefan. It seems like I'd have to become a vampire for us to have a long term relationship but I can't think about that right now.

I went to see Stefan when I got back and he told me that he was there that day last Spring. He's the one that saved me. No one ever knew how I got out of the car. I didn't know either. Another bombshell was him revealing that I'm adopted. I can't believe no one ever told me. Jenna should have told me. I thought we were close. I just can't believe this is happening. My world has just been turned upside down and it turns out that I am related to Katherine since she was a Pierce and so am I. I have questions that might never get answered because my parents are dead.

Dear Diary

I found my birth certificate but it has my parents names on them. I wonder why. I need answers. I never expected to find out that I was adopted. Things have just gotten so crazy. I find out that vampires exist and now I find out that I'm adopted and happen to look exactly like one that's locked away in a tomb. If I wasn't living this I'd would think I was crazy. I'm going to talk to Jenna. She has to know something.

It is just so crazy and I still have no idea who that guy was in the hoodie. Stefan gave me some vervain which helps protect against vampires. I have a necklace that I plan on giving to Caroline. I really feel like we need to talk. She probably feels weird because she's been spending a lot of time with Matt. I think it's great because I do want them both to be happy.

All I could remember of the guy in the road were a pair of black boots and that he was wearing a hoodie. He called me which is creepy. He's probably watching me. It is so crazy that he's calling me if he's trying to kill me. I guess it is fun for predators. Well I don't like it. But I'm so glad I have Stefan. I feel so safe in his arms. Now I should really start getting ready for the dance. It should be fun.

Dear Diary

I talked to Jenna about my parents and what she knew. She told me that my biological mother was some girl that showed up one day pregnant with me and that her name is Isabelle. That's all she knows. She gave birth and then took off leaving me with my parents. I don't even know if I want to try to find her since I'm still getting used to my parents not being my biological parents.

The dance didn't go the way I expected it too. Sure it was great dancing with Stefan but I was bait. The guy was in the house. I wasn't paying attention to the compass. So weird that the compass is some kind of vamp detector. Damon came along and we found the guy. I did fight him off when he tried snacking on me for the second time. I stabbed him with a pencil. It was so invigorating.

It is strange that I wasn't completely scared. I should have been scared. He was going to kill me and drink my blood but I kept my cool. Well this is my life now. Things have gone strange but strange seems to be normal now. I know Caroline and Bonnie weren't thrilled to see Damon at the dance but he needed to be there. You can't univite a vampire once he's been invited in. There really should be a handbook since it would be a big help.