Moonlight Dwelling

In The Neighborhood

This is the story of a long time ago

A time of myth and legend

When the Gods were petty and cruel

And they plagued mankind with suffering

Only one man dared to challenge their power Hercules

Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen

A strength surpassed only by the power of his heart

He journeyed the earth battling the minions of his wicked

stepmother Hera the all powerful Queen of the Gods

But wherever there was evil wherever an innocent would suffer

There would be Hercules

The Transformation From Bad To Good

A Beautiful Woman

Looks can be deceiving

Preparing her army

Wants a particular kill

Her mission is to kill Hercules

With a plan in mind

She acts the damsel in distress

Crosses paths with Iolaus

She captures his heart

The perfect weapon
Coming between the two

He falls under her spell

Turning his back on his best friend

In hopes for the kill

You know a true warrior attacks from the front. Hercules

Hard times breed hard people Iolaus. There's no avoiding that. My father was killed in battle and so were all three of my brothers. I won't be. Xena

A true warrior would understand that you demoralize and weaken before you destroy. Xena

What Hercules Thinks Of Xena

A murderer, a crazy woman whose only purpose in life is to kill and conquer.

Helpful Tips

1. She kills warriors who don't follow her code so watch out if you disagree.

2. To drive the wedge deeper between two best friends at odds pretend the best friend beat you up and to make it even more authentic muss up your hair, add some dirt along with some cuts and bruises for that added touch of realism.

The Turning Point

With her own code

Never killing women and children

Found everyone slaughtered

A baby's cry is heard

The only one left alive

He was overlooked

Stepping in she saves his life

Her authority is questioned

Made to walk the gauntlet

The only one to ever survive it

She starts down a new path

We are warriors not barbarians. Xena

Salmoneus' Advice

There's more than one way to wage a war. Well a army such as yours with such a beautiful leader like you, you need publicity, public relations. No you need someone to trumpet your victory but you don't want to seem overbearing or merciless. You need a theme song. Wait a second.

Xena coming to your town

Xena don't you wear a frown

Don't talk about destruction talk about collateral damage. Be like a tax collector tell people you're doing it for their own good. Ok can I just yeah...Always address your troops from your right side it's your best side. Not that you have a bad side. You've got beautiful eyes. You've got great cheek structure. Smile more. Show off your cheeks.

Easy victories make for weak soldiers. Xena

I don't want soldiers following me out of greed. I demand loyalty. Xena

I don't run from my problems I confront them. Xena

The Gauntlet

Two rows of men and at the end there is a line drawn in the dirt. Once you're across you are safe. You make your way down the line and the men start beating on you with sticks. Your armor is removed and you have no weapons to fight with except your fists. To date Xena has been the only one to survive this.

Starting Over

Turning things around

Righting a grievous wrong

Out to stop Darfus

His spread of evil
Teams up with Hercules

See's a change in her

Saw the goodness in her heart

A reluctant Iolaus too

Fighting side by side

Getting really close

Feelings grow and develop

He unchained her heart

Out to make up for her past

Not an easy road ahead

Proving the change in her

Hercules On Xena

Xena doesn't accept pity. She's a warrior in the truest sense of the word.

The Many Horrors

I have done terrible things. I've killed so many men that I'll never wash their blood from my hands. But when you help people you honor the wife and children Hera stole from you. There is nothing in my whole life that moves me that way.

Salmoneus' Notes

As warriors Hercules and Xena have always been a perfect match. I find myself wondering about them falling in love, getting married, having children, hiring me to handle their finances.

Her Regrets About Iolaus

I'll go to my grave regretting that. I was all twisted up by hate probably the same feeling you have towards me.

Preparing For Battle

You know I've been in a hundred other battles and the only thing that's ever come over before them was a cold rage but now...

Sometimes you can only defeat evil with evil. Hercules

Maxed Out

Wanting to alter her aura

She stops the love gig

Trying out other careers

None quite feeling right

A reunion quite explosive

Seeing beneath the surface

Totally heating up with Hephie

Going back to her gig

Back where she belongs

Doing the love thing

Don't hide your talents let the world see them.

No one likes being rejected including Gods.

You can't force someone to love you.

Maybe she's no longer fond of your instrument. Iolaus

Things get very interesting when the Goddess of Love takes a holiday.

Remember to squeeze and release when shooting an arrow.

Hunting isn't for everyone and the huge hairy pig is actually a boar.

When a village's under a curse the love going all wonky when the Love Goddess quits the love gig is immune to the effects.

It's not nice to throw stones at a person.

When a crowd of people are throwing stones use a frying pan to avoid being hit.

It's important to have the right outfit.

Almost getting stoned to death makes a person involved.

It's kinda tricky not to mention hard on the hands to fight a suit of armor so knock off a piece and use it.

Every outfit has to have the right accessories.

Iolaus With Helpful Tips

1. Be alert.

2. Keep moving.

3. Cover each others backs.

One move that never fails is a good swift kick to the groin.

Bail when the cat statue comes alive especially when you're not a cat person.

Forges as a rule tend to be hot.

Even an ugly God can dream. Hephaestus

Don't trust someone that reeks of bad karma.

Should have gotten a bigger stick. Iolaus

Sometimes you just need to swing.

A friend won't call you ugly.

Sometimes you need to jump over the edge to help someone up.

Sadly it's never easy so don't bother asking.

Use a broom when you have no intention of killing someone when in a room of weapons.

The Curse

Sent on a job

Instead of an arrow

Ends up falling in love

Unaware of the gnarly curse

Bringing out an ugly monster

Arrow hits the wrong mark

Strength to break the spell

Takes her away

Love of the truest sort

Now with his love on Olympus

For all of eternity

As cray as it sounds beauty can feel like a curse at times.

A good Father won't sell his daughter for any price.

A God calling you almost cool is quite the compliment.

Love can make a person go a little crazy.

It's a really bad idea to leave your crossbow around with love bolts just waiting to be taken advantage of.

There are just some questions that are best ignored.

Jump off a cliff and into the water just in case the cold water helps and makes you realize who you truly love.

Poem For Psyche

Psyche, Psyche you are so sweet

Without you life isn't complete

Before I met you I was lonely

Now you're my one and only

Leave the writing to bards and scribes when your strong suit is the hero biz.

Even a God can get lonely after all they have feelings too.

Jealousy sure does make a person ugly. Hercules

You know it's true love when you don't care what the person looks like ever after getting dosed with old juice.

Motivation for running can come from the strangest source like a goat shot with one of Cupid's arrows.

A Chance At Life

Trapped in Tartarus

Hera finds her endearing

A chance is given

Killing Hercules is the plan

A chance at immortality

Instead she gets trapped

Immortal and burned

Golden apple all around

Curing them of the poison

Some people just don't like birthdays.

Smaller people don't have as much surface area exposed to the elements.

To keep it a surprise don't clue in the birthday boy.

Hey who doesn't love chocolate cake.

Don't leave the punch unattended since it might get spiked and not in a good way.

No need to act surprised when you find all your loved ones passed out and possible dead.

There's a world of difference between someone being insane and someone being misunderstood.

If anything happens yell. Iolaus

In order to cook one must have actual food to cook.

Be careful when you swing your sword to avoid having a chandelier pin you down.

Vengeance isn't justice. Hercules

Hallucinations can start out great but go sour big time and turn downright scary.

Use oil to mark your path back just add a lit torch and follow the trail of flames.

You can always trust a psycho to lie so do the opposite.

What a difference a golden apple makes when you feed it to your loved ones to cure them of their madness.

Don't fall for that I'm hurt routine remember golden apple equals immortal.

Some people just don't quite no matter how hard you try to kill them.

Screaming is all you're left when trapped in a burning chamber after becoming an immortal.

Don't talk with your mouth full. Hercules

The Hind

A rare beauty

Last of her kind

Her blood can kill a God

She's got a healing touch

Hunted down most cruelly

Finds herself an ally

Torn between brothers

Owing one her life

While the other has her heart

Hinds are people too how would you like it if you were hunted down with traps all over the place for you to trip.

Grab onto the branch to avoid getting shot in a delicate area but keep holding on so you don't fall back down onto your ass.

Deadly traps can harm an innocent child that was frightened and started running through the woods.

Don't shoot first and ask questions later because it could turn out to be one of the good guys.

Don't imitate another's laugh 'cause that could get you into some serious trouble.

Try pork. The other white meat. Hercules

You don't belong to anyone but yourself. Hercules

After being healed sit down and eat.

When the girl is actually a Golden Hind she's pretty darn quick.

Ya gotta love the irony when the guy falls victim to one of his own traps.

Wedded Bliss

Lost his heart to her

Asked for her hand

Sacrifices on both parts

But worth it to be together

She became mortal

Able to be touched

Gained his other love's blessing

Along with his family

Loss of his strength worth the price

A new life begins for these two

Believe the guy when he says he forgives you.

Excessive spinning can cause dizziness.

You can stop kicking when the other guy has grabbed onto the guy you've been kicking.

There are worse things then being tossed down a well.

Watch your step so you don't fall into the trough of water.

Best friends stand by each other after all that's what friends are for.

Brush your your teeth to avoid chewed sock breath.

Use two frying pans for some fine butt kicking action.

Be careful where you throw things to avoid what could turn tragic if someone doesn't act quickly.

Wild guys tend to have wild times.

A best friend will be there for your wedding after all every groom needs his best man.

The Wedding

We ask the force that created the sun, the earth, the seas, and the sky.

To bless this union. Make us one. Inseperate. Always.

Always.

Short Lived

Happy in marriage

With his beloved wife

Having to adjust

A life without Godly strength

Messing with his head

Getting him all angry

Horrible dreams plagued him

Finding a most brutal sight

His wife dead by his side

Wracked with guilt

Framed for this crime

Even though he was innocent

Felt responsible anyway

Gained his strength back

Having to go on without her

Xena you know you shouldn't bottle up your emotions. Gabrielle

A man's wife isn't venison.

Signs That Your Love One Is Being Played With By A God

1. He's cranky big time.

2. He loses his temper over nothing.

3. He has violent dreams.

Grief can cause one to throw things around that doesn't make him mad it just makes him heartbroken.

It's really ironic when the villagers call a man a murderer when not too long ago they all wanted to hunt down the Golden Hind and kill her.

Sometimes the best thing to do is hide.

Lynch mobs never include those with actual functioning brains.

Things aren't always as they appear especially when Gods are involved.

Gods kinda not known to keep their word in particular the God of War for instance.

A goatskin with blood can be quite the lifesaver if used properly.

Just because you saw yourself do the murder in your dream doesn't mean you're guilty.

Ya wanna see some more blood bring it on. Xena

It sucks when you're the one lying on the ground and the other guy is jumping up and down on you.

It's kinda embarrassing when you get your butt kicked by Strife.

Since you have the opportunity give your Dad the King of the Gods a piece of your mind.

King Crazy

Totally out of his mind

Believes himself King of the Gods

Used by Hera imbued with powers

To kill her step son no shock there

Gets her ultimate revenge

Plans went very south

Nobody was killed

Only slightly fried

Even lost the temple

Back to its rightful Goddess

Watch out for those crazy flying insects.

It's unlikely that you'll die from a bee sting but be prepared for some swelling.

You know a guy's a little crazy when he starts making speeches to sheep and frees them.

Another sign of insanity is when the guy thinks he is Zeus and throws rocks with a thunderbolt painted on it along with the wheels of his chariot.

A person's likeness on every sack of manure isn't exactly how a person wants to be remembered.

Use a cushion when stung by a bee in a very delicate area.

It's important to have one's priorities in order.

Some people just want to help people.

Hey even a Goddess has feelings.

What is it with Gods and sundown? Hercules

No one wants to take manure in trade.

The guards need more training when they are out of commission in just seconds.

Don't play in the temple.

Lightning can knock the crazy right out of a guy and knock a whole new crazy into him that's a lot more bearable.

The Stone

A stone like no other

Green and oh so shiny

Called the Kronos stone

Has some very special powers

A turn of events

Allowed him to change

Beloved wife slain

Was able to give back her life

At quite a cost

Best thing that never happened

Only remains in his memory

Disguise yourself as a statue of Hermes so you can nab the Kronos stone in peace.

You don't always have to be a laborer you can just visit as a friend.

Just cook the food until it's done.

Don't smash a guy's egg because that's just rude.

Your security system failed our test. Uh oh with Autolycus Alarms protection without measure for all kinds of treasure. Autolycus.

Something is seriously weird when everybody is frozen.

Don't forget the instructions.

Now don't frown you'll get wrinkles. Autolycus

Kronos Stone Abilities

1. Freezes time

2. Time travel

3. Selected temporal manipulations

4. Not meant for mortal hands.

Concentrate and channel your thoughts but it does take practice.

I may be mortal but I'm hardly mere. Autolycus

The possibilities of the Kronos stone boggles the mind.

Now remember no meddling with the primal forces of nature. Hercules

Sometimes you have to meddle if it saves a little boy's life.

Kids you can't take your eyes off them. Hercules

Porkules

Out to impress

She gets the bow

Courtesy of a thief

Shoots the arrow

Bro turns pig

Amusing to him

But not enough

Still that pesky protection

A mortal to do the job

Ended up failing miserably

Tables are turned

Got shot herself

Turned into a chicken

Laugh if you find something funny since it's not gonna kill you.

Some people exercise their sense of humor wisely.

You should at least remember the name of you guy you nearly killed.

One's wildfire is another's bad rash.

The Modest Autolycus

See when you're the single most gifted thief that ever lived you got to find new ways to challenge yourself. Stealing from a God seemed like a good start.

You need your head read. Iolaus

If your brother gets turned into an oinker the he needs to change his name to Porkules.

You don't sell a friend even if he's turned into a pig.

Sometimes you need to stop arguing and get to fighting the bad guys.

Know when to run like Tartarus.

The clothes on a pig is a good sign that the pig is actually a person that was turned into one with the use of Artemis's bow.

That's right spread the word I'm a lover and a fighter. Autolycus

Hey animals talk too even pigs.

Even a girl piggie can fall for the charms of Hercules.

I may be a thief but there are some things even I won't do. I won't drink red wine with fish. I won't eat the horse I rode in on. And I would never never ever sell out a friend which of course does not apply to you. Autolycus

Sometimes you need to steal or borrow something and return the item later when you're done with it.

The world's a dangerous place. Hercules

Even Gods can get jealous.

A fake beard may itch but it's needed when you need a disguise.

Cows can be very snooty especially towards pigs.

Just because a guy doesn't like you doesn't mean he wants you dead.

If the guy isn't laughing he's not joking.

If something's too easy there's a reason behind it.

A frying pan's handy for knocking guys out.

Pigs may be little but they can still knock you on your ass.

Unless you want to be the God of Gophers make like a tornado and blow.

Even a pig can be brave.

Agreeing with a guy can be a start.

Together

Seeking revenge

For the chicken thing

Offended by his audacity

Gives them a day from Tartarus

Chains them up together

No way to get free

As an added bonus nudity

Stuck with each other

No one can understand them

Things get worse and worse

All covered in mud

Bad teeth and hair

Along with really big feet

To go with the really big boots

Captured and caged

Part of a traveling freak show

After some laughing

Finally they are released

Just because you're human again doesn't mean you can't still chat with the piggie girl who has a total crush on you.

Well it'd be sad if you forgot everything you learned as a pig. Catherine

Humans are sorta above the rest of us. That's what most of them seem to believe anyway that they're superior. Catherine

A God will be cranky when you bring back his sandals.

Hermes without his little sandals would be a nobody. You'd think he'd be glad to get them back. Autolycus

Sandals that allow you to fly around can come in very handy.

I prefer to think of it as honing my craft. Autolycus

You mess with a God expere there to be some consequences such as the day from Tartarus.

I've got a bad feeling. Autolycus

To tell you the truth all chickens pretty much look the same to me. Autolycus

So what do ya think uh Original Recipe or Spartaque Sauce? Iolaus

Despising each other can be an improvement.

There are few things worse than being chained to a guy you don't like along with a case of sudden nudity.

Will you watch where I'm going! Autolycus

Look my arrangement! You rearranged my arrangement! Iolaus

Watch out for trees so you don't smack into one another.

Some humans are pretty nice.

Humans can do anything they want pigs can't. Catherine

Everyone has some kind of limitations.

Pigs can be smart, brave, and generous.

Having to wear a burlap sack is much better than wearing leaves but keep the leaf hats since they are quite stylish.

The King of Thieves in a sack my image is ruined. Autolycus

You know two can play the yank game. Autolycus

Save the yanking for later.

It just keeps getting better and better. Autolycus

Hunters have an excellent sense of direction.

You couldn't find your way out of a sock! Iolaus

Mud is good for the skin but you might be mistaken for a monster if your speech isn't comprehensible to others.

A screaming girl implies fear and the whole not being able to understand you.

Some are meant to be pigs.

I know you're right but if I have a chance to change that destiny and want to shouldn't I take it and shouldn't you help me? Catherine

Clothes may be uncomfortable if you've suddenly become human but it's kinda a necessary thing.

No No's For Humans

Rolling around in the mud and removing clothes.

However, mud is good for the comlexion.

It's handy to be able to read tracks.

Nothing gives me a warm fuzzy feeling like a mob of armed villagers. Autolycus

You know the one drawback of life on the run is missing regular meals. I am starved. Autolycus

The Joys Of Berries

A goosenberry is supposed to be fermented.

A farkinberry is a cousin to the Goosenberry but with one important difference see your Farken doesn't put you to sleep like your Goosen.

Know your berries.

Be careful what you ask for since you might get it just not in the way you wanted.

Hey you got quite a set of waffle stompers there. Autolycus

Mocking may lead to you getting a set of your own waffle stompers.

Remember that Wolfgang is a bit snooty and a total name dropper.

I'm so hungry I could eat an entire bucket of slope. Catherine

Pig Etiquette

1. Use a napkin.

2. The piece of cloth goes in your lap.

3. Use a spoon when you eat instead of sticking your head in the bowl.

4. To help the former pig out start eating the same way to avoid embarrassment.

Don't use quite so much salt in the soup.

Well the good news is it can't get any worse. Autolycus

Things can always get worse so don't tempt fate.

The only good monster is a dead monster.

Let's kill it before it destroys our mind. Villager

The Freak Show

I am PT Barnabus founder of the greatest show in Greece and I can use this freak of nature in my circus. Follow me one and all a new freak for the freak show.

Who are you calling a freak you geek? Autolycus

I hate to say this but to him we're the geeks. Iolaus

Biting a head off a chicken just isn't funny.

We'd better act crazy. I'd rather go home with Uncle Carnie than end up a human pin cushion. Autolycus

When you need to get away try running.

You know I can pick that puny lock in my sleep but I actually think we're safer in here. Autolycus

There are some things you just don't want to know like the location of a lock pick on a naked guy.

Freaks, outcasts, dregs of society. I was talking about us. Autolycus

Go boil your head. Iolaus

Now go to your corner and get out of my hair. Autolycus

When you're chained together you never have any alone time not to mention being stuck in a cage.

Pigs tend not to be fun since they are kinda limited.

A circus is more fun than a human sacrifice and bloodier too.

Downside To Suddenly Being Human

1. Your animal pals won't recognize you

2.While holding water in your hands helps your horse pal Sadie she would get more if you untied her.

3 Horses just like humans need a drink of water when the thirst strikes them.

4. Your piggie pals won't recognize you in your human form and will run away.

5. If you're meant to be a pig that's who you are so be proud to be a pig.

Don't make faces at the monster because your face might freeze that way.

Queasiness can lead to amusement.

When someone has big feet they have big boots.

Make them walk before you break the chains.

Apologize even though it was funny.

Once the chains are broken everything goes back to normal including your clothes and thank the Gods for that.

It doesn't hurt to try out a new look.

You say anything about this and I'll deny everything. Iolaus

It's a sweet mother of Zeus moment when you get attacked by a giant chicken.

It's not so easy fitting in when you're different.

Ultimately a pig belongs as a pig.

Seeing a giant chicken monster causes one to become incoherent.

If all else fails act it out.

Don't antagonize the traumatized man.

The giant chicken crossed the road to kill us all.

Hiding in a tent won't stop the giant chicken.

Be careful when you use a noise making thing since it hurts to have it right in your ear.

Stop sputtering and get ready.

While running like Tartarus may be a good plan it won't stop the giant chicken so start thinking.

Use a basket of Goosenberries to put the giant chicken to sleep and don't forget to use a barrel and board to get it up there after all that's one big chicken.

Say goodnight big bird. Autolycus

Say that you took out a monster but keep out the part about it being a chicken a secret.

Being in a tight bind can totally bond two guys that hated each other.

I loved being human Hercules but it's just not me. Catherine

Accept who you are.