Moonlight Dwelling

It started out like any other day a bath and some breakfast and on Xena and Gabrielle went off to start a new adventure. Up ahead was a strange sight which caused them to stop and Argo neighed.

“Easy girl,”

 Xena said to calm Argo down and patted her.

 “What is that Xena?”

“I don’t know but we’re soon going to find out.”

They looked up and saw it was getting closer. It was this swirly thing that stretched out. Before Xena and Gabrielle could make a move they were sucked into the bendy thing. It spit them out and once they got their bearings the looked around.

“What is this place?” asked Gabrielle.

 “I think it’s that other world that Hercules and Iolaus went to. Both places are nearly identical but the people are the opposite of ours. Where’s Argo?”

“I guess she didn’t come with us. So what do we do now?”

 Xena turned and saw Ares pop into view. Gabrielle and Xena had identical looks of confusion on their faces for this was Ares the God of Love which was weird indeed.

“You two girls lost I take it. That portal keeps sucking in people from your world and stranding them.”

Xena and Gabrielle were speechless. It was one thing hearing about this Ares it was quite another to actually see him.

 “Cat got your tongues? Oh I get it you notice how much I look like your Ares. I am nothing like him. I am a lover not a fighter.”

“It’s amazing and quite unbelievable if I wasn’t seeing it with my own eyes I wouldn’t believe it,” babbled Gabrielle.

“So Ares how do we get out of here?” asked Xena.

“First things first I think an introduction is in order. You know who I am but I don’t know who you lovely ladies are. You with the blonde hair must be Gabrielle but you aren’t an executioner I take it.”

 “What?” Gabrielle cut in asked.

“Your lookalike cuts off people’s heads for a living.”

 “How delightful,” mumbled Gabrielle turning to Xena.

 “I can see this is quite a shock for you so why don’t I shut up and let you two talk.”

Gabrielle pointed to Xena and said, “This is Xena Warrior Princess. I must admit Ares that I’m curious about what the Xena here is like.”

“Well Gabrielle she is quite the sex kitten but she’s a clever girl.”

Gabrielle smiled at Xena and raised an eyebrow. Xena jumped in and said,

 “This is Gabrielle the Battling Bard of Potedia.”

 “So Ares can you help us out?” asked Gabrielle who was still unnerved by this Ares.

 “Yes girls I will but first I have to ask you something. No one will answer me when I ask. Do this pants make my butt look big? Your Ares is quite the handsome fellow so I was wondering about giving myself a new look.”

Xena and Gabrielle looked at each other and started laughing. They laughed so hard that tears came to their eyes. Gabrielle elbowed Xena as she composed herself and said,

“I think he’s serious.”

They wiped their eyes and looked at Ares who was standing there with his arms crossed.

“Sorry it’s just that you’re so different from the other Ares,” explained Gabrielle.

“So do I get an answer or not?”

 “Ares you have a great butt. In fact I’ll share a little secret with you that I never would with the other Ares.”

Gabrielle paused and Ares leaned forward eager to hear this tidbit.

“Now this goes no further than here ok.”

Ares nodded eager to hear more,

“I’ve always found Ares to be extremely sexy and quite handsome.”

“Gabrielle what are you saying?” gasped Xena with a touch of jealousy in her voice.

“Well it’s true Xena and you know you feel the same way yourself. You’ve had some heated moments with him and had a few kisses too.”

 “Ok he’s sexy but not a word to anyone Gabrielle. Ares can we get down to business?”

Ares was beaming and feeling quite good about himself. He thought about what he could do to help these two out and thought of Joxer.

“Oh I’ll take you to Joxer because he’s good at figuring things out.”

 “Joxer?”

Xena and Gabrielle said at the same time.

“Girls remember this is a different world so it’s this Joxer isn’t like the one you know.”

Xena and Gabrielle looked at each other then turned to Ares  and asked him to take them to Joxer. He took hold of their hands and whisked them off. The were standing in front of a house so Ares knocked. The door opened and there was Joxer but this was a different Joxer.

 “Ares what do you want?”

“Well Joxer this is Xena and Gabrielle they are from that other world. I was thinking that you could help them make their way back home.”

“Well you two come on in and have a drink.”

 Xena and Gabrielle stepped through the door. Xena turned around to thank Ares but he was already gone. They sat down and Joxer started telling them about the portal. It was odd to see this Joxer who was quite smart and confident when they were used to their bumbling but lovable friend his his pointy little hat.

“So this portal thing keeps moving around and sucking people from one world to the other.”

“Is there a way for us to get back?” asked Xena.

 “yes there is a portal that will allow you to pass but it’s breaking down so we’ll have to hurry.”

"But what about the moving portal? Isn’t there a way to stop it?” asked Gabrielle.

“I’m sure that once the portal stops working the portal will cease to exist and our worlds will be completely cut off from one another.” 

Gabrielle wasn’t too happy to hear about that because she wanted to get to know this Joxer better. She thought to herself that maybe she could get him to go through the portal with them. The door opened and in walked Callisto. Xena grabbed her sword but put it back as she reminded herself that this wasn’t the same Callisto. Joxer looked up and smiled.

“This is my lovely wife Callisto.”

 Gabrielle turned to Xena and mouthed, “Wife!” and Xena shrugged. This was a strange place indeed they both thought.

 “Hello can I get you anything to eat? I bet my little pookie has only offered you a drink.”

“Yeah some food would be great. Thanks!” said Xena as she looked to Gabrielle. Callisto came out with some sandwiches and a pitcher of ale. Gabrielle had to keep reminding herself that this wasn’t the Callisto that had killed her husband. She turned to Joxer and said,

“Joxer couldn’t one of the Gods help stop the portal?”

 “Since Zeus is insane he is most likely the reason why this portal is out of control.” 

”Zeus is insane?” asked Xena as she reached for a sandwich. “But isn’t there someone Joxer? Ares seems nice but he’s more of a pretty boy than a brain. Fill us in on your Gods.”

Gabrielle was halfway through her sandwich when Xena reached for another.

“What I’m hungry.”

“Well Ares is the only one I talk to so let’s ask him.”

“Ares can you come here for a chat?”

Ares popped into view in a shower of hearts.

“Hi all are we getting acquainted with one another?”

 “Yes thanks Ares,” said Xena. “Ares is there anyone that can help fix the portal so it isn’t spinning out of control?”

“Xena my dear the only one that can do that is Zeus and he’s bonkers.”

 “What about Cupid?”

 “Don’t mention that maniac’s name. You don’t want to meet him.”

 “Isn’t he the War God here?”

 “Yes Xena but he doesn’t feel as fondly about you as your Ares does.”

 “He’s got a point Xena this God doesn’t love you like Ares does.”

“Ok Gabrielle do you have any ideas?”

“Well I think we should hear more about Zeus. Why is he insane?”

 “He became insane after he built the Labyrinth of Eternal Memory.”

 “Why don’t you destroy it so he can reclaim his sanity.”

“Good idea Gabrielle.”

“What are you still doing here Ares get to it and shoot some lightning bolts.”

Ares giggled and admitted that he was a lover not a fighter.

“Yes we know we know start practicing now.”

 Ares went outside where Joxer set up some targets for him to practice on. The first attempt was pathetic since all it did was release a flood of hearts. Finally after what seemed like an eon he was able to throw some decent bolts. Ares was so excited that he clapped his hands and started doing a little dance.

“Ares” shouted Xena which woke up Gabrielle who had fallen asleep. She smiled and suppressed a giggle at the sight before her. Ares calmed down and went off to destroy the labyrinth. Right after he left Gabrielle couldn’t help herself she started laughing uncontrollably and Xena joined in. Soon Ares came back and said that the deed was done.

“So is the portal under control now?” asked Xena.

“I don’t know but Zeus is sane and he’s quite proud of me.”

“That’s great Ares but could you find about about the portal?”

“No problem I’ll be back in a flash.”

Gabrielle walked up to Xena and said, “This has been an interesting day.”

“It sure has. What a strange world this is.”

 “Well I like it and who knows maybe we could come back to visit.”

At this point Ares came back and told them that the portal that was moving around was gone.

“That’s great now we can go through the other one and go back home.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible.”

 “What!”

 “That can’t be the only portal there has to be some other way,” gasped Gabrielle.

“What about Zeus couldn’t he open a gateway?” asked Xena.

“Hee Hee I’ll ask.”

Ares popped  out and the wait began. Callisto came out with some lemonade.

“This is so strange isn’t it to see a nice Callisto?”

“Have something to drink and let’s chat.”

 “How long have you two been married?” asked Gabrielle who was a little disappointed to find out he was married.

“It’s been two years since I’ve married my pookie.”

 “It’s so odd how you two are different from the Callisto and Joxer we know.”

“I’ve talked to Ares and he mentioned that everyone has a lookalike that are the exact opposite.”

Ares popped back in and told them that Zeus wouldn’t help.

 “Wait a second isn’t there another portal by the Sovreign’s castle?” asked Callisto.

“Right you are sugarplum. I’ll take you there now it’s just down the road. "

They found the portal and it was still working.

 “Well I guess this is it,” said Gabrielle. “Thank you Joxer it’s been interesting. Maybe you and Callisto can come for a visit sometime.”

“Xena is that such a good idea especially with Callisto who wouldn’t get a warm welcome.”

 “Yeah Gabrielle you’re right so maybe we’ll come see you.”

 Xena clasped hands with Joxer and turned to enter the portal. Gabrielle gave Joxer a hug and kissed him on the cheek. She turned to Xena and together holding hands they jumped through. Joxer was waiting with Argo and two other horses when they came through to the other side.

“What’s up Joxer?”

“Hi Gabby, Xena. What was that?”

 “Joxer did you want something?”

 “Oh yeah there’s a warlord coming to Astonia to get Lord Krydon’s daughter Katherine.”

“Who’s the warlord?” asked Xena.

“It’s Craydon and he’s bringing friends.”

 “Let’s go” Xena said as she jumped onto Argo.

Gabrielle and Joxer got on their horses and off they went. When they arrived Xena had Joxer take all the children and those unable to fight to a cave that she’d used as a hideout in the old days. Xena gathered everyone together to find out what weapons were available. The village had a catapult and a few people who could shoot with a bow and arrow. Xena sent a village boy off to warn them when the army was coming.

In the meantime they got ready to fight. All the bows and arrows were gathered and a fire was started to stick the arrows in. They were just about ready to set things in motion when the boy came running to warm them about the men coming. He took off to the cave. Those that could use a bow started dipping the arrows into the flames and prepared the catapult to start firing fire balls.

 Clouds of dust announced the arrival of Craydon and his men. They started firing and several men were set on fire but they kept coming. Xena pulled her sword from her scabbard and cried out her war cry,

“Ay yi yi!”

As the men came running Gabrielle had her sais ready. A man came up to her and she clashed swords with him. She kicked him as he swung his blade. She ducked and stabbed him in the stomach. She kicked another man coming her way. Joxer was stumbling around with his sword doing a lot of ducking but he got in a few good licks here and there.

“Craydon fancy meeting you here.”

“Xena aren’t you over the whole good act of your’s yet?”

“I guess not so are we going to fight or continue with the chatting?”

She swung her sword and they clashed. She kicked him and knocked him to the ground. He rolled out of reach of her sword and jumped up. Xena did a flip and kicked the sword from his hand. She sliced his head off. Another man swung his blade and they clashed. Behind her was another with his blade raised. Xena kicked the sword out of the first guy’s hand and kicked him. He lost his balance and she slit his throat. Xena saw a villager in trouble so she grabbed a dagger and threw it into the guy’s chest.

The remaining men from the army took off and the villagers cheered at their victory. Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer helped with the wounded. When everyone was tended to Lord Krydon went up to thank them for their help and to invite them to a feast in their honor. It was just another day in the life of a Warrior Princess and her friends.

Translated by Barbara Desmond

During the production of this scroll Xena and Gabrielle went to a new world full of strange things but when they got home they got into yet another fight and saved the day. They ate and drank their fill and slept on nice beds for the night and woke up well rested sometime the next day. It sure beats sleeping on a rock which tends to make Gabrielle grumpy.